Life is full of Hard Things

This weekend has been a very draining one, physically, emotionally, and mentally.
I found out I was pregnant about 8 weeks ago and we were so excited. We knew it may not have been perfect timing, but what a blessing and worth every struggle. Because of insurance, I was waiting until I was 12 weeks to go and see a midwife to get an ultrasound and make sure everything was good. That appointment was set for 2 days from now.

Friday, May 30th, things changed. Remi and I were attending a session at the LDS Dallas Temple. I became very emotional while there and noted some spotting. I tried to not worry too much because I know that can be normal in pregnancy. None the less, I was worried. While in the temple, I felt the love of my Father in Heaven and was blessed with a feeling of peace, that no matter what happens, it will be okay.  Saturday, I woke up to a little more spotting. Still, not enough that I was worried. I tried to take it easy, and rest and things, but life moves on and I did go to the grocery store before resting for the afternoon. I was feeling a little sluggish Saturday night, but slept really well.
Sunday, June 1st, I woke up with Bright Red bleeding and some clots. My lower abdomen felt a little tight but I just figured I would give it a few hours to see what happened. We went to chuch at 11. Around 1130 I was ready to leave. I was very uncomfortable and feeling really worried. The cramping was becoming cyclical and I knew that something was wrong. Remi and his brother gave me a blessing for the sick and afflicted and I was again blessed with peace. We went home a short while later. Around 12:45 I was ready to go to the hospital. I was bleeding way above a normal level and with the cramping it just seemed like the best idea, and it was.
They took my blood and ordered a sonogram. I was in the bathroom about every 15 minutes and passing a lot of blood. We did the sonogram and there was no fetus there. The tech wanted to do an internal ultrasound and I asked to use the bathroom again before they did. In the bathroom, I ended up getting very dizzy and lightheaded and luckily pulled the help cord before passing out. Everything after that was pretty up and down. They got me on an IV and got me to calm down (my hands started tingling and cramping, then my feet and tongue from hyperventilating) eventually. The thing that helped the most was having Remi there. As soon as he held on to my leg and hand I was able to start slowing my breathing. Well after about 20 minutes I needed to pass some more fluid. So they brought in a potty chair and once again, I passed out. This time in Remi's arms though.. After this, I was pretty scared. I was not in good shape. They called in an OBGYN and he got there about 20 minutes later. They did some exams and we decided that the best idea was surgery to finish removing all the tissue and stuff from my uterus that was causing me to bleed so heavy. So 30 minutes later I was wisked away in to surgery and woke up feeling so much better. Dr. Stevens was so gentle and I am doing so much better now.
It is a crushing thing to have a miscarriage. Especially your first pregnancy. It creates a lot angst for the future, because this has been a very hard weekend. I am so grateful for our loving families that have been here for us this weekend and especially grateful for all the prayers on our behalf. This is another one of those situations where you dont really know what the right thing to say is, but right now we just need your prayers, love, and support. We look forward to our future together and will draw upon this experience often, I am sure. I am so grateful for a God who has comforted me and blessed me with peace in such a trying time. I am so grateful that my best friend and loving husband was by my side the whole way to hold my hand, wipe my tears, and assure me that everything would be okay. He has been so amazing through all of this and I am so grateful I have in my life to support and love me every day. Life may be full of hard things, but with God, all things are made right.