First, an update. I am officially back in Texas and I couldn't be happier about that. Also, I have great parents who have been a tremendous support to me as I made my way half way across the country (my car is kind of a clunker!) and they deserve a huge Thank You! And most importantly (drum roll not necessary... ) I celebrated my 22nd birthday 2 weeks ago! Nothing too fancy considering I had to take my clinical test and then start driving (passenger seat thanks to my sweet man) to Texas. But all in all, I felt the love from the people that matter most and am beyond grateful to have a new year ahead of me. It is going to be a great one, of that I am sure!
Now on to the meaty stuff (:
Learning lessons. This is something that I feel like I have always been blessed to be able to do. When I go through any experience, I want to learn something. It might be that I really like something, or that I dislike something. But when it comes to big events, like depression and divorce, sometimes it is harder to find the lesson.
My last post covered the biggest ones I think, but there are some smaller ones that are important also, that I would love to share.
Family
These are the people that God wanted us to get to know more than anyone else, for one reason or another. Parents and siblings may have to love us, but I think most of the time, they would choose to love us anyway. Maintaining relationships with siblings seems to get more and more difficult as you get older. I come from a family of six children, five of which are boys. My four older brothers are located in various states across the USA and I don't talk to them nearly as much as I would like to. My younger brother and I have always been pretty close, but even then, I didn't really talk to him except when I would visit Texas and he was around.
When I finally was able to talk to my brothers about what was going on with me, I think they felt a lot of sadness. You don't like seeing the ones you love hurting, and I hid my sadness from them, and for me to not trust them with my feelings... I just know that it stung.
I remember very vividly sitting outside of a movie theatre talking to one of my brothers, and just feeling so overcome with relief and overwhelmed by the emotions that came with sharing what I was going through. Hearing him express how sorry he was that he didn't know, and that I didn't feel like I could come to him brought me to tears. I needed so badly to hear that my family loved me, and he gave that to me. In that moment, I promised him that we would talk more and that I would not go through hard things alone any more.
I hope that I can create stronger bonds with each of my siblings. Phone calls seem to have gone obsolete the last few years, but I think they can really make a difference. Texting and facebook are only words, and words are easily taken as the reader wants to take them. You only have so much control over what they understand or take from your words.
I love my family. I want them to know that I love them. And I hope that no one in my family ever feels like they need to go through hard things (or great things) alone. We are sent here to be a part of a family, and then to create families of our own, and what a blessing family can be, if only we will let it.
Honesty
I feel like hitting this one again because it is just that important. Honesty comes from within, and there are two sides to the honesty coin, if you will. Being honest with and to yourself, and being honest with and to others, including the Lord.
When there is something going on in your life, the very worst question someone can ask you is "How are you?" This question is just begging people to lie to you. Because our automatic response is to say "I'm fine" or "I'm doing well, how about you?" and on any given day, how often are you really just fine? Stressed, busy, tired, really bad, frazzled, angry, frustrated, productive, etc. seem to come to my mind more often then fine. Sometimes, this question can open a conversation, but really, I think there are better questions that can be asked of others. SO I challenge you to find a different question to ask. Don't let that question be something you do out of formality and habit. If you really want to know how somebody is doing, then really take the time to find out.
I remember being asked this on so many occasions and every single time, I lied. Because lying was easier than letting the flood gates open. And because I started with this little lie, I continued to lie to keep up appearances. Lying is so dangerous. It is so destructive, and it is so bad for the soul.
" 'A lie is any communication given to another with the intent to deceive.’ A lie can be effectively communicated without words ever being spoken. Sometimes a nod of the head or silence can deceive” (1.)
Take Action
We have all heard the saying "actions speak louder than words" and I am hear to reaffirm the validity of this statement. In relationships this is especially important. Something that I am having to get used to is that Rémi was raised by amazing parents who taught him to respect women in a way that is very much forgotten these days. Well that part I knew already, but I am NOT allowed to open doors if he is there to do it for me. And I love this. I love that I get in trouble and get his stink eye when I forget and accidentally open my own door when getting in or out of the car. I love that he wants me to feel special every single day and that he shows me and doesn't just tell me. He will always take the broom from me or take over dishes. And I could really keep going on and on with a list of things he does to show his love. He is truly wonderful.
I find that taking action often leads to opportunities to serve, and serving is one of the greatest things that we can do in this life. Giving service is like the healing balm to sorrow. The scriptures are constantly providing examples of service and showing us the blessings that come from service. Putting others before yourself is a sure way to express love in any given situation.
Which brings me to having a healthy relationship.
The way a healthy relationship works is that two people decide to put the other person's needs above their own. Both parties must give 100% all the time, so that when (not if, but when) someone falls short, you are not left with a gap in the relationship. You cannot meet in the middle. You must encompass the other with love and support completely. I always think of two lines.
_____________________________~_____________________________
These two lines meet in the middle. And when both are working to meet in the middle, then they make a complete line that is sufficient.
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These two lines have each others backs. They are there for each other, anticipating the other's needs, and are going to have a much greater chance at a successful relationship.
Make you significant other a priority. Put them second to none other than God. Let your relationship thrive in service and love, and the hard times won't seem so unbearable. SHOW them you love them every single day. Find their love language, and speak it. And if you don't know, then figure it out (2.)
I believe that people are most important. Remember your family. Be Honest. Show people that you love them. And show strangers that you see them, acknowledge them, and are not afraid of them. Don't be the awkward floor watcher. Give a smile, a nod, a wave. Surprise someone with an action. Put someone above yourself. And watch your happiness increase.
Love makes the world go round, but we must show it every day.
1. http://www.lds.org/manual/preparing-for-exaltation-teachers-manual/lesson-37-honest-in-all-things?lang=eng&query=2012+honest2. http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
