I sat down a few times in the last month and started a post, and then never finished, and my random sentences here and there are of little value.
Once again, I find myself wide awake while most of you are sleeping, and there are a few things that contribute to that.
Yesterday, I spent 19 hours in a car driving from Florida to Texas with my beau. Now, I really am not big on road trips because I was raised to travel on airplanes (thanks dad!), but this trip was especially uncomfortable because the day before, we did back and chest p90x as well as ab ripper x.
That was not the smartest thing I've ever done.
My hip flexors, chest, and abs are all completely sore. DYING was used to describe my predicament on more than one occasion. But that is an exaggeration so don't worry too much (;
Also, not being busy, I tend to just veg a lot.... Its pretty bad. I need better hobbies.
But tomorrow is a new day, and I can try and expend a little more energy tomorrow so that I can sleep sooner.
SOOO with that:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I feel the need to share my thoughts on engagement and marriage.
I read a very interesting article the other day about engagements, and how it seems more and more that couples are more excited about getting engaged than being engaged. ( you can read the article here --> http://convergemagazine.com/engaged-8944/ ) Having gone through this process, I 100% agree with this article. It is sad to think that we, as young adults, are so focused on what others think, and what they are going to think, and how they view us, that we let go of the whole essence of marriage and commitment.
Life should not be a "to-do list". You will never find happiness through a life built on check lists.
What really brings us joy? "Men are that they might have joy".... So where does that come from?
I believe it comes from surrounding yourself with things that make you happy, people who make you laugh, and allowing memories to be made. I think a lot of times we get in the way of our own happiness by giving in to the notion that your life needs to fit in to this box of "normalcy" (insert shudder here). Forget normal. Let's get happy!
I have found my happy. And time is flying by because of it! It is weird to think that this chapter of life is so new because it is so right and so happy and so comfortable. Nothing about being in love with my best friend scares me. Not a single thing.
It is hard for me just be open about it sometimes because I know that it looks REALLY fast to anyone who didn't know us in high school. But why delay what I know to be right and good? Why should we have to date for a year and be engaged forever before we get married?
When we talk to our moms and other moms about our relationship, we always end up getting the same words... Ultimately it is up to the two of you your Father in Heaven.
I love that advice, because every time I hear it, it rings so true to my soul.
Love is personal. Love is shared. Love is given. Love is built. Love is tested. and Love unites.
Sometimes it feels like there is no way that I can just pick up and move forward, because for so long I was weighed down with negativity, depression, and this need for perfectionism, and a part of me anticipates that life will just be a struggle if I pick up and move forward. But I know that this is not the case any more.
I have moved out of that dark time and in to the light. I have made progress that has changed me.
Don't hold yourself back. You have so much potential and so much to offer the world.
The world doesn't need more of anyone else, it just needs you.
So major side track there from where I was planning on taking this, but I hope if you needed to hear that message that you will take it to heart.
...Back to Marriage
I have a very different view on marriage having gone through divorce.
I look a little closer and a listen a little more.
I am not so quick to judge others and I give encouragement where I can.
Before I got married at age 18, marriage was the answer. It was going to solve all my problems. If I could just get married to a good man, who was spiritual and a straight arrow, I would be able to create this perfect life. Literally, I thought I could have the perfect life. So I went through my mental check list and he seemed to fit everything just nicely. After dating for a few weeks we were in love and discussing whether we should pursue this to marriage or not and we didnt see a reason not to, so 3 short months later, we were engaged. I knew the night we got engaged that something wasnt right. I didnt feel giddy. I didnt feel excited to tell my friends and family. And I was especially not excited to tell my best friend, and when I did, it crushed him. And I knew it would. Especially since 4 months earlier he tried to mend some of the fences between us. But, because I had a list, I moved forward. Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't always uneasy. It's hard to look back and say that I was in love, because it was so new and we really didnt know each other. I think more than anything I was in love with this idea that he was going to be able to give me the perfect life I always dreamed of. Marriage was going to save me from myself. It was going to put me in control of my life. I would have someone there to encourage me and help me read my scriptures every day. It was going to be idyllic.
Marriage, now, has a completely different meaning to me.
Marriage is a commitment to your best friend
Marriage is a commitment to God to love your best friend forever.
Through the hard times and the joyous times.
Marriage has a purpose, and that purpose is to unite together to build a family.
I look forward to a marriage full of laughter, love, loving, loving on, being loved, making love, giving love, sharing hopes, dreams, fears, and jokes, and a marriage where I am never put down or made to feel a lesser being for any reason.
Service is a fundamental component of a strong foundation. It allows you to put someone before yourself, and when you do that willingly, your life will be filled with joy.
Nothing makes me happier than when I am sitting next to my best friend, holding hands, my head on his shoulder, and he kisses my head.
That is my perfect.
I promised Remi that no matter how frustrated, or angry, or bad a day was, that I would always stand by his side. No matter how high emotions run, or how draining a day may have been, I will always be there. And I told him that I will be okay and be able to deal with emotional days as long as at the end of the day, he holds me close and tells me he loves me. And he promised to do his best. And that is all you can ask of someone.
He gives his best. I give my best. And we forgive when we fall short.
I dare you to love a little more, and forgive a little faster.
When something happens that just gets you going, I challenge you to stop and really think about it for a minute. Did they really mean to hurt you? Is that like them? Am I overreacting to an unintentional wrong-doing?
Respond a little slower. Love a little more. And trust your instincts.
We are all human. We are all imperfect. And we are all doing our best.
