Some of the top contenders include
-- comparing myself with this perfect version of myself
-- not praying daily
-- using media to escape reality
-- not being assertive
This last week has been extremely challenging for me. I felt like everything was working against me to drag me down, and I let these feelings of despair eat away at me. So many days, I was in bed just making lists of all the things I was failing at. I didn't make dinner. I didn't do the laundry. I didn't pray. and the list goes on. I felt alone and like I had failed.
I really try to stay positive. I try to not be overbearing and controlling. I try to tell myself to let it go.
It is time to get back to my roots. It is time to be true to myself. So I decided that I am going to embrace these things I view as flaws, and turn them in to strengths.
I am a control freak. But being a control freak means that when I am in charge, things will get done. And they will get done when I want them to get done.
I make lists. I am pretty sure this offends Remi sometimes, because I made him a list about a month ago, and I did not get happy vibes from that. But making lists means that I don't forget things. It means that I can prioritize and delegate.
I am self conscience (but aren't we all!). I know I am not fat or ugly, but I feel it sometimes. This is something that is hard to overcome alone, and I am so grateful for Remi because he helps me with this. He tells me how beautiful I am, how perfect my body is, and how I don't need to change to be beautiful. I truly thinks he sees me as most beautiful when my hair is pulled back and I have no makeup on. There is nothing wrong with being self conscience, but I think it would be better if I viewed it as opportunity to become stronger. Our Bodies are a gift from God and how amazing they truly are. I am going to try and focus all these feelings in to motivation to work out and become strong.
I don't pray every day. I hate that I don't. I know it is important. And I have been contemplating what is so hard about this for me, and I honestly have come to feel like I am afraid of what might be asked of me. Especially when it comes to starting a family. After my miscarriage, I thought a baby would fix the emptiness I felt, but after some time passed, I developed a lot of fear. I think it is time to let that fear go and embrace whatever the Lord has in store for me, and us.
We had a lesson in church on Sunday about burdens and how the Lord will help us carry these because his Load is Easy and His Burden is Light. A sister made a comment that there was a point that she was really struggling with how much was being asked of her, and the answer she got was that Life is not meant to be easy. Life is meant to be hard. And we are going to be asked to do things we don't want to do and we are going to be asked to make sacrifices. This was hard for her to hear, and it struck me as well, because Life is not meant to be comfortable. Life is a time to be pushed to our Limits and to Grow and Become stronger and wiser. As much as I would love to just sit and watch
all day long.... There is so much more I could do that would help me be better. So what about praying together as a couple at the close of the day? I need to not suppress the impressions that come to me to ask to say a prayer together before bed. When we do, I always feel closer to my husband and closer to the Lord. We are blessed when we pray. I just need to be better.Reading Scriptures is another component of spiritual health that I am proud to say I am doing SO much better at! I started this group text with about 8 girls and we all share uplifting messages and scriptures and things, and this has been a huge motivator for me to read and share something daily. I am not diligent, but My Best Friend Angela is our ROCK. She is so consistent and motivates us all to read and share daily. Sometimes she is the only one to share in a day, but I am so grateful that she continues to share regardless. Love you Ang.
I like things a certain way, especially in my house. And I really dislike this house we are renting so I haven't felt like really decorating it and really figuring out a great organization system, but at our next house, it will happen.
I change my mind. This is probably the thing that drives Remi the most crazy. I don't feel like its bad to change your mind, it means I'm growing and evaluating and moving (right??). I try to not make promises I can't keep, but I'm not perfect, and I am grateful that Remi just goes along with my craziness.
I am not perfect. I don't always have the right answers or say the right things, and I need to be okay with that. I need to remember that when I am feeling like a failure, that the only thing I have failed to do is Remember who I am.
Growing up, the female role models in my life could do it all. My grandma is an excellent cook, her house is always clean, and she is crafty. My mom worked full time, attended every event she could, she cooked, baked, sewed, quilted, crafted, and the list goes on. I wanted to be like them. I wanted to do it all.
As I've grown up, I can see better that they had their priorities set and their actions reflected those priorities. If someone looked at your life for a week, what would they see? If they had to compile a list of your top 3 priorities, what would your actions say?
Looking at my life from this vantage point has allowed me to see that I have work to do. I can say things are a priority all day, but my actions will speak when the day is done.
God does not ask us to be perfect nor does he ask us to do it all. He asks us to be perfected in Him by becoming like Him. I know that the Atonement of Jesus Christ is the way to become whole or perfect, and my un-checked checklists do not affect my worth in the Eyes of God.
